Winning Over My 12-Year-Old Host Brother

When confronted with a 12-year-old host brother, what do you do? Are you the older sibling type: diving headfirst into bonding activities while roleplaying a comedian? Or, are you the shy type: one who waits idly by waiting for them to interact with you first? While I knew enough Korean to navigate the creation of a connection with my youngest host brother, I’m the latter type. I perceived the idea of maintaining my distance as the smartest solution to my inability to figure out how to connect with him. Unfortunately, my host brother’s disinterest in me was as immense as my desire to connect with him. If I wanted us to bond, I would have to work for it.

Phase One: The Snack (과자) Fairy

Afraid of making a grammatical error that he could make fun of, I confirmed the question written on the sticky note with Google Translate: 너, 무슨 간식을 좋아해? (You, what snacks do you like?).

My plan was to slide the note to him when his League of Legends game looked a bit less intense. Having been reminded of the American phrase, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” I reasoned that the phrase must be universal and certainly applicable here.

When his gamer rage seemed to subside and Google Translate confirmed that my note could at least be understood, I approached with caution, conscientious of the dangers of interacting with a teenage boy mid-game. Everything was going smoothly–I successfully slid the note over, he successfully read it, and he was going to reply–or so I thought. He smirked, slid the note below his PC and continued on gaming.

Though different from what I intended, his mom’s outside nudge was what ended up getting me his generic answer: Oreos, chocolate milk, honey butter chips.

The following day, having raided the convenience store (편의점) of their supply, I placed a pile of snacks strategically on the dinner table for my host brother to see. The pile diminished within hours. Having observed a slight grin of delight on my host brother’s face when he saw me later that night, phase one was a success.

Phase Two: FIFA: (F)orcing (I)nteractions, (F)orming (A)migos

Having been a fan of soccer long before I went away to Korea, I had played FIFA (a soccer game) for a disgusting amount of time. While my host brother’s two favorite games were Minecraft and League of Legends–ones which he would play on his PC–I had spotted their Nintendo connected to the TV and immediately figured out my next goal: get him to play FIFA with me. He was a noticeable soccer fan, so the odds of him having the game were nearly 100 percent.

Acknowledging his mother’s outside push as a valuable asset to the success of the previous phase, I threw the idea of playing FIFA into the air at the dinner table: “Nintendo Switch에서 FIFA게임이 있어요? 있으면 할 수 있어요?“ (Is FIFA on the Nintendo Switch? If it is, can we play?) Immediately loving the idea, my host mom said, “기율, 누나랑 해야 돼” (Kiyul, you have to play). It was as if she was in on the plan.

For the following week, she kept reminding him and I that we were to play FIFA. Granted, we both lived equally busy lives, so we were rarely home at the same time – until I went home early to make sure we were home at the same time.

We played for hours, chatted, and laughed. Though he ended up rage quitting, the smile on his face when he would beat me or the high-pitched “아니” when I would beat him were enough to deem phase two successful.

Phase Three: Music

Sitting in the car leaving Seoul for a family day trip, my youngest host brother grabbed the AUX. Expecting to hear K-pop or Korean rap, I was astonished when Eminem started playing; yet, an amazing opportunity to connect lay in front of me.

Having gained possession of the AUX myself, I went through a queue of Eminem, LLCool J, and 리쌍. Having expected me to play K-pop, my host brother was noticeably delighted that I stayed in the genre of rap. By the end of the car ride, I had gotten my host brother to add a few songs to his playlist, ask me how I knew who 리쌍 was, and admit that I had a good taste in music. Phase three was a success – especially because I came out of it looking cooler than before.

At first, when I was confronted with a 12-year-old boy, I hid; but, my desire to stay idle put me in a position that disconnected me further from my host brother. Certainly, the possibility of his judgment was a reason for me to fear engaging with him, but the idea that it would impede our ability to form a connection was scarier. Creating a three phase plan to defeat his monstrous disinterest, I reigned successful in forming a connection. If you are confronted with a disinterested host sibling while abroad and don’t know what to do, hopefully you can refer to this as a general guideline.